Rebound
by Esquinzo
Summary: A short Oneshot I wrote three years ago. Basically what could have happened if Jenny and Gibbs had been a family before the events of Hiatus. Not a very happy story...


A/N: You don't need much background information on this one, just that Jenny was pregnant in Paris and that Gibbs chased after her when she left. They had been a couple ever since.

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Rebound

 _He couldn't remember her. He couldn't remember their daughter. He couldn't remember the people he had once claimed he loved._

It had felt like a slap in the face when she had sat next to his bed with their daughter on her lap and he had woken up, wishing for another woman and another daughter. Thank God the team hadn't been with them – they didn't know about Julie and Jenny had wanted to keep it this way – so they hadn't been there to see the pain and sorrow in her eyes.

Then he'd walked out on them, let Ducky drive him to his house, not her Georgetown mansion where they had raised Julie, and had taken the first flight down to Baja, Mexico. He'd said good-bye to his team, to Abby and Ducky, but he hadn't as much as acknowledged his child and her mother.

It had hurt, more than she'd ever thought it would, to know that she was a rebound, that their relationship was just a way for him to overcome the underlying pain in his life. But what had hurt the most had been the knowledge that their child, the child they had made together, was a rebound for another little girl, the one he'd loved, the one he'd lost.

Now she lived for her daughter, spent as much time as possible with her, and no matter how little it was in the end, she cherished every second of it. She had to make up for _Daddy_ now, the man her daughter worshipped and they mourned together, the man she had loved, the man she still loved. Although she wasn't even sure if he was still there, buried deep inside the broken and grieving man she had seen walk out of the Navy Yard, out of the building that was all he had had for a very long time.

She hoped every waking moment that he would come back.

Sitting in her office she thought about the changes that had taken place since he'd gone, so subtly and unnoticed by most, but to her, they seemed to scream his absence in her face.

Ducky had stopped telling his stories and the rare times he recalled the past, he was careful not to mention Jethro. Abby had turned her music down, Ziva had quitted threatening her colleagues with various office supplies and Tim had gotten even quieter along the way. She couldn't do anything to help them, she was just as heartbroken as they were, maybe even more so as they didn't have to look in their daughters' eyes every day and knowing he was in her somewhere, he was a part of her.

Tony'd changed the most – and if she was honest with herself, his new behavior was by far the most painful for her to witness. At first Jenny had thought it was sweet, him bringing her coffee; thought he wanted to help her to overcome a loss that was cutting much deeper than he could possibly know. But then he had started to adopt Jethro's other habits and had become just another painful reminder for her whenever her office door slammed against the wall.

She couldn't bear her own musings any longer, she had to get out of there fast. She grabbed her IDs and her coat, the lovely brown leather coat she'd once left on a plane and that he'd brought back to her, and almost stormed out of her office.

She gave Cynthia a small smile knowing she was the one that would have to deal with all the angry politicians who would want to talk to her when she would be sitting at home watching her daughter doing her homework.

"I'll be gone for the day, Cynthia, don't stay any longer than 1800 hours."

The young woman nodded gratefully, a hesitant smile gracing her features. She too had noticed the subtle change in their director's behavior, how she would pay attention to stay not longer than 1830 hours or come in later from time to time, how she would cast her gaze downwards when _he_ was mentioned by accident.

"Have a nice evening Director, I'll reschedule your meetings."

Jenny left her office, intending to go home as soon as possible after she had checked up on his team. She couldn't bring herself to say DiNozzo's team, it had an air of finality, like he wouldn't come back ever, and she couldn't accept that in her current state.

The red-head smiled at them as she walked by, they seemed fine and she liked to think they were at least holding up better than she was.

"Have a good evening" she said and nodded at Ziva briefly as she passed by and went towards the elevator.

"Wait, Jenny!"

She stopped dead in her tracks. That wasn't Ziva calling her name and it surely wasn't Ducky.

"It's Director or ma'am, Agent DiNozzo." She forced through gritted teeth. She didn't want the two of them to have some kind of personal relationship, not even a friendship. It didn't feel right, not if he wasn't the man who'd sat at his desk the last twenty years, if he wasn't the man she wanted to call her Jenny or from time to time even Jen. "You aren't him" she spat so spitefully it shocked even herself.

Tony looked like she had slapped him in the face and it physically hurt her to look in his eyes. She looked at him, her face a blank mask and wondered when she had become so heartless. When she had started to hurt others to prevent herself from showing her true feelings. He looked at her like he wanted her to say something, anything, to make it better, to just show them she was grieving too, that it wasn't just them holding on to the hope he would come back eventually, that she hadn't moved on already.

Jenny stayed silent.

"It isn't easy for any of us. I can't be me anymore. Everybody expects me to live up to his memory and after each step I take I wonder what would Gibbs have done if he had been there? I bring Abby her CafPow!s and you your coffee, I call Ducky Duck and I don't mock Tim anymore, but that isn't me. I know that I'm not Gibbs, and I won't ever be him, I don't need you to remind me of that! You are the one that doesn't seem to care that he's gone, that didn't make an effort to convince him to stay!" He gave back, his voice slowly becoming more forcefully. "It's hard on everyone!" He almost shouted at the end.

She stared at him, her face a blank mask, trying to pull herself together but knew it was impossible now, that she had already broken on the inside. There was now reason anymore to pretend she wasn't affected by this mess. Hell, _she_ had been a _mess_ for the past few months.

"So you too tell your daughter every evening that Daddy hasn't forgotten about her, that he still loves her, that he didn't mean not to be there on her first day of school? You tell your six-year-old girl whose daddy is her superhero that he will come back, your heart breaks every time when you come home because your daughter is waiting behind the window not for you, but for him to come back? You know how it is to live with the thought that you and your child are only replacements for a family he has long lost? And you know how it is to give birth to his child without him having ever told you he loves you and then find out six years later that he never will because he doesn't love you, because you aren't the woman he loves, the woman you have known nothing about because although you have been together for almost eight years and you have carried his child he never told you about his loss? You know how it is to try competing against a ghost you haven't even known exists? I don't think so!"

A stony silence reigned the bull pen after she had finished her speech. Jenny could feel the eyes of every agent in the squad room on her. Not only had she just had a minor break down in front of everyone, but she had also confessed that she had a six-year-old daughter with the former lead agent of her agency who just happened to have quitted his job to get drunk on a beach in Mexico. Their stares made her uncomfortable. She didn't need their pity, she needed _her_ Jethro to come back. Not Shannon's, not Kelly's, but _hers_ , hers and Julie's. She didn't have much hope left anymore.

"Have a good evening" she said biding her farewell, her voice one-leveled. "I have a daughter to go home to."

The silence followed her all the way home, leaving her wondering if she would ever see him again.

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This little oneshot turned three last week. Originally I planned on making it a two-part ficlet, however, since I cannot even remember what I had planned for part two, I only corrected the most obvious mistakes (believe me, there were a lot ) and decided to let it remain unfinished. I hope you've enjoyed reading it nonetheless.


End file.
